Here it is. Almost 29. You’re nearly 30, man!
Yep. There is that number once again. Although interestingly, for me, I cannot wait until I actually turn the wondrous three-zero. The reason being is simply that – for the most part – my 20’s have been a rocky-road of ups-n’-downs in just about every way, shape and form (particularly emotionally and professionally) – so thirty just seems bang-on for something… like, different.
But – it’s just a damn number, man?
Maybe. Maybe not. It’s also a state of being. A maturity that I can feel swirling within me as every passing day dawns a new sun. Pretty simple all in all. Although, speaking of simple – that’s the main thing too: simplicity. I’m yearning for a little of that now. Heck yeah!
I can almost feel the arms gesture with disbelief: “Aw! C’mon, dude! You’re already starting to think of the simplistic nature of ‘my life is this, this and that’… BORING, MAN!”
‘Boring’? Probably. Simplistic. Would be nice. I mean, let’s face it: I’m not the most ‘energetic type’a guy’ when you get down to it. I sit with terrible posture and draw. And write. And draw again. And think. And dream. Drink some exquisite coffee and actively go searching for a cafe haunt that I can set up, drink some more coffee and draw. Man, come to think of it: I’m downright riveting! (Heh!) I’m like a radical from the 60’s without the ‘radicalness’, man!
OK then, so what about a legacy?
Legacy. The imprint that we will eventually leave behind. I’m fascinated about my existence and the future of the world – and – both frighten me in unequal measures. Humans can be such fascinating creatures: beautiful and so evil. We create, build, encourage and move forth and then … We destroy – and man-o’-man! for a species that’s essentially an organic biped – we are downright ruthless! We can be ruthless to our planet, other species and to our own kind. We’re selfish and cruel. Although, interestingly, we are also compassionate and caring. We are too complex for our own nature. (Hmm… Another thought to ponder, maybe).
Here’s the thing. I want to leave behind something that I know will be worth something to someone. An impression of myself – somewhat – through those ages that will long pass me by and still have an ‘essence’ of something that I provided. The easiest way to sum this up: children.
I never saw myself as a father originally. Not because I couldn’t get a girlfriend (potentially – although this is another debate and a LOT of heartache) – but because of who I was: an oddity. A creative contradiction pulled between extreme ‘show-off-i-ness’ – an extrovert – if you will, and a total recluse – wanting nothing more than a humble life and peaceful existence. This has plagued me throughout my 20’s … But that is all drawing to an end very soon…
Would I like to be a father? Yes.
Will it happen? Whatever will be will be.
My personal point of view, children would – without a doubt – be the greatest legacy you could ever leave behind. This is, provided of course, that you’re not a total (*EXPLETIVE*) and instill some awful values within your children. You eventually leave the world in their hands to mold and try to make better in their own unique way. It’s your greatest imprint. A lasting impression of a bygone era and a genetic code that retraces far back to our earliest incarnations here upon this planet.
But what about creatively?
What should I do about my creative pursuits now that I have something to look forward to (regarding the number ’30’)? Should I keep trying to pursue this passion or this-or-that whimsical thing?
Concentration is what I’m after. A focus.
The world seems too busy and presents itself these days with far too many distractions, and I admit it wholeheartedly because I know it’s true, I can get distracted way too easily. So, I move into the era of learning to start being a little harsher and saying “no” to things I would have – inevitably – said “yes” to prior.
Yes. I want to start writing and drawing my own creations. Yes it will be tough. No, I do not want to work on your project when I could be doing my thing. Yes I will support your project as you’re developing it and would like it promoted – provided I like it. No, I do not want to work on your project for free and put all of my time and energy into it when I could be doing my own thing. Yes, I am too busy with my own things. Yes, this seems unreasonable – but it’s not – I want to start etching my own stamp on the world and time is precious. Yes, I would still like to be friends on a personal level and catch up from time-to-time to share a laugh or two. No, don’t try and ‘fish out’ if I would like to be involved in that project now that I am here discussing something…
That having been said: do I completely shut myself off from working with others?
Hmm. Remember what I stated before about ‘humans can be such fascinating creatures’?
What I do know is: that I need to put more time and effort into being the best damn guy that I can be. To use whatever ability I have (be it writing or drawing or both) and put my energy into setting the right example by the people in my life and that come into my life by setting the bar high – no wait – HIGHER than I ever thought possible! Should I ever have children I would say this and encourage this within them:
‘You are who you are in this scary world. Make it a little less scary by being all YOU can be. It’s not fair at times, and it’s downright tough, but whatever it is you want to do – do it and do it well! – I will always be there to pat you on the shoulder. Also, along the way, don’t forget to have fun! Do all the crazy things that you know won’t hurt you but might get you into a little strife. Have some stories. Live well. Laugh. Make others laugh. Please, have a sense of humour! Remember: with a smile on your face and a belly full of laughter, you will never go wrong – my Grandpa shared that with me – now, I’m sharing that with you…’
Not a bad legacy to pass on, eh?
Now, where’s that lucky lady? First things first – the present is just as wondrous – wherever you are, let’s have some fun and get movin’!
But first, I’d better shave – ‘coz no-one in their right mind would date *this* right ‘ere!
P.S: Thank you to the band Chvrches – just the right hit of synth-pop and inspiration for this post. I humbly thank you for your sound. Link to a wonderful song of their’s, ‘The Mother We Share’ is below…